| aaron karo, ruminations.com, aaronkaro.com |
from a recent blog..... i put in bold a few i particularly like.
-Even if I’m explicitly reminded to “read from the bottom up” when forwarded an entertaining email conversation, I still read from the top down and ruin it.
-Utilizing both a smiley face and parentheses in the same sentence is a complex maneuver few should attempt.
-Ever notice that in Word when you right click on a plural term in order to find a synonym it merely gives you the singular version of the same word? No one wins.
-Have you ever mistaken a soap dispenser for a hand sanitizer dispenser and spent five minutes futilely rubbing soap into your dry hands?
-I last lived with a roommate five years ago and 3,000 miles away, but I’m still finding his shit. The other day I called Brian and said, “Dude, I’m pretty sure I have your pillow case.” “No way,” he responded, “How do you know?” “Well, for starters,” I said, “it has your name written in it.”
-Time Warner Cable just signed me up for “PowerBoost,” which is supposed to make my Internet faster for a few extra bucks a month. Clearly this is the 21st century version of being sold magic beans.
-You know you’re not religious when people offer you salutations for holidays you had no idea were happening.
-This morning my treadmill abruptly stopped mid-run and the screen read: “Maintenance necessary.” That’s just a low blow.
-I actually bought the Axe shower tool. Now I feel like one.
-And, finally, I’m the oldest child and my parents had me five years after they were married. I think five years is a good number. You get to enjoy each other’s company for a while (and make sure you don’t get divorced) before starting to pop out babies. The problem is, with people getting married later and later these days, waiting so long to conceive isn’t always an option. This has a disproportionately adverse effect on women, who now face dual pressure – from society to get married, and from biology to have kids. Meanwhile, I can stick to dating twenty-three-year-olds and not worry about either. The fact is, though, women are saints for putting up with all this. As I wrote in Ruminations #111, my mom left her career to stay home and raise my sister and me, only to return to the workforce shortly thereafter because I was such a pain in the ass. It would not be an exaggeration to say that I owe my life to my mom. And she owes hers to daycare. Fuck me.
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