"wow" (aka - words of wisdom!)

courtesy of my friend sean's status today:

Take chances. Tell the truth. Date someone totally wrong for you. Say no. Spend all your cash! Fall in love. Get to know someone random. Be random. Say I love you. Sing out loud. Laugh at a stupid joke. Cry. Get revenge. Apologize. Tell someone how much they mean to you. Tell the asshole what you feel. Let someone know what they're missing. Laugh til your stomach hurts. LIVE LIFE!

i liked it ;)

run lola run....

"you can out-distance that which is running after you, but not what is running inside you."...rwandan proverb

i have always loved running long distances. having a set goal, the end of that road, or this many laps or miles; challenging myself to a greater distance. loved the steady pace, the steady breathing, the pushing through the pain.  the ability to speed up to sweat out the anger or slow down and enjoy a moment. but there was always a beginning. an end. a goal i was certain of and could accomplish. and i ran to it.


life is a little more open ended then that. in case you hadn't noticed. how do you really know if you're running to something or away from something? is either right or wrong? and what is it that drives that run motivation? 


and maybe? maybe i could learn a lesson from my ortho surgeon who says not to run, just walk.....

sleep to dream...

"if you stop dreaming you are just asleep"....unknown

i loved this when i read it. then i sat and really thought about it. 

i have had some REALLY bad nightmares. and some REALLY good dreams. i'd always rather have a nightmare, because it's temporary. waking up to reality is usually better. not so much with a good dream...

sleep to dream

and sleep is such a peaceful, and necessary, state.....


and some people, are just dreamers. in the clouds....


where is the balance between dreaming and pursuing those dreams, and living in the now and the reality? how do you know what dreams are worth pursuing, risking, putting energy into? what if you pursue a dream for 15 years and nothing happens, are you wrong to give up? wrong to have pursued so long in the first place, or right for believing in your dream despite challenges or lack of success. i mean, i am guessing here that "man" had a dream to get to space for more than 15 years before it actually happened, right? 

dream within a dream

have you ever had the same dream twice? and in the dream realized you were dreaming? i think i have (had) that awake as well....

¹dream

 noun, often attributive \ˈdrēm\

Definition of DREAM

1

: a series of thoughts, images, or emotions occurring during sleep — compare rem sleep

2

: an experience of waking life having the characteristics of a dream: asa : a visionary creation of the imagination : daydreamb : a state of mind marked by abstraction or release from reality : reveriec : an object seen in a dreamlike state : vision

3

: something notable for its beauty, excellence, or enjoyable quality car is a dream to operate>

4

a : a strongly desired goal or purpose dream of becoming president>b : something that fully satisfies a wish : ideal dream>

i want this!!!

the WORD posted a blog about this ridiculously cool book!

Tree of Codes

An enormous last day of life.

“Jonathan Safran Foer, deftly deploys sculptural means to craft a truly compelling story. In our world of screens, he welds narrative, materiality, and our reading experience into a book that remembers that it actually has a body.”
–Olafur Eliasson

Our early conversations with Jonathan Safran Foer aboutTree of Codes started when Jonathan said he was curious to explore and experiment with the die-cut technique. With that as our mutual starting point, we spent many months of emails and phone calls, exploring the idea of the pages’ physical relationship to one another and how this could somehow be developed to work with a meaningful narrative. This led to Jonathan deciding to use an existing piece of text and cut a new story out of it. Having considered working with various texts, Jonathan decided to cut into and out of what he calls his “favourite book”: The Street of Crocodiles by Bruno Schulz.

As Jonathan began to carve out his story, we started doing our production homework and literally got turned down by every printer we approached – their stock line being “the book you want to make just cannot be made”. Thankfully, we found Die Keure in Belgium who relished the challenge of making a book with a different die-cut on every page.

Over a year of writing, cutting and proto-typing later, comesTree of Codes, a haunting new story by Jonathan Safran Foer cut from Bruno Schulz’s words.

The book is as much a sculptural object as it is a work of masterful storytelling: here is an “enormous last day of life” that looks like it feels.

Design by Sara De Bondt Studio
Cover design by gray318

Published 15 November 2010
ISBN 978-0-9565692-1-9
Paperback

how insane is this guys mind? in the best way! adding this to the amazon universal wish list now!

love is...

so well said i wish i said it myself.... ;)

On Love

Love.

I thought I'd tackled this topic before. But no, I'd just talked about The Sex and how it relates to The Love.

I do believe in Love. Love with a capital L.

I do. Just because my experience with it is limited, doesn't mean I don't think it exists. I've seen it.

On of my best friends, Morgan, is getting married. And while she and her imminent husband (her term) may not have seen it, they had this meant-to-be-ness surrounding them from the start.

I don't believe in destiny, but I do believe in timing and chemistry and compatibility and desire and these two have all that in spades. The spark between them was so strong even in the beginning that we all couldn't help but be fall in love with them as a couple.

Morgan expressed some angst recently that friends and fam didn't seem to be surprised or excited enough when they announced their engagement or over wedding plans (I think). But I told her (and I can only speak for myself here) that I hope my excitement translated (I think it did as I squealed over the phone like an 8 year old girl who just got her Barbie Dream House) because I am so excited!

But I was not surprised. Not surprised at all. In fact, I was comforted to know they were making this happen because if these two did not end up together, the world would implode.

These two renew my faith in Love.

I have loved. But have never been loved. I have been told the words. But known they were empty, despite the desire to mean them. Nevertheless, I'm pretty sure I know what it looks like and I know what it doesn't look like. 

I don't believe in destiny. I've said that. So therefore I don't want to be someone's other half. 1 and 1 make 2. We're not incomplete people searching to be whole (thanks, Aristotle). We're whole people all on our own. So I want someone who is great and happy all alone. Who doesn't need me to be happy. But wants me anyway.

Love is not a filler of a void. I have to go back to the idea that you have to fill that yourself, love yourself. Otherwise someone else's love will just wash in and out of that cavity.  Because I think Love is complimentary.  I don't think you can truly love and appreciate someone else until you and appreciate yourself first. I don't think love can survive otherwise.

Love is about balance. I can't be someone's idol and I shouldn't worship someone else. Imbalance just seems to me to be a shoddy way to begin. I want to find my equal. Someone who challenges me in a way I can reciprocate. Someone who loves me with the same force I do.

I don't want to be anyone's doctor. I can't fix what is wrong with you. I can be a kickass listener and I'm supportive to a fault. But my job is not to mend your brokenness. You have to do that work yourself.

Love is not an addiction. So many people struggle with addiction to substances, why is addiction to a person so encouraged? If it's not a healthy relationship, then it's not love.

Love is between adults. I'm not looking to parent anyone and I'm not looking for a parent. I didn't get the mother I deserved, but I also don't deserve to replace her with a romantic partner and neither should my partner have to parent me. I have to learn to parent myself, to give myself the love my mother didn't.

I think that bears repeating. Whatever love you didn't get in childhood is not the responsibility of a romantic partner.

I feel like this post is getting preachy. Or pedantic. Or just lame.

I feel like I'm not making my point well.

Maybe my ideas about love are naive. Maybe ignorance truly is bliss. But each of those situations above? I've been in. And that's not love.

Love is not a safety net, not something to fix our bruised and broken lives, not something to obsess over and cling to with desperation and fear. I don't think so anyway.

So I'll wait, thanks, for that real thing. For the love that blows me away.

amazing! 

check it!

let em burn

"Words" by Train

I'd give anything but I won't give up on you 
I'd say anything, but not goodbye 
I will run with your changes and I'm always on your side 
And there's not a word I've ever heard that would make me change my mind 

Words they'll try to shake you 
Don't let them break you 
Or stop your world from turning 
When words keep you from feeling good 
Use them as firewood and let them burn 

Like stones in your pocket people try to wear you down 
Someone always wants to take the love you've found 
So let's runs with these changes and I want you by my side 
And there's not a word I've ever heard that would make me change my mind 

Words they'll try to shake you 
Don't let them break you 
Or stop your world from turning 
When words keep you from feeling good 
Use them as firewood and let them burn 

Let them burn 
Let them burn 
Underneath every word somebody's heart been broken 
With or without words we try to forgive 

Words they'll try to shake us 
Don't let them break us 
Or stop our world from turning 
When words keep you from feeling good 
Use them as firewood and let them burn 

Words they'll try to shake you 
Don't let them break you 
Or stop your world, stop your world from turning round
When words keep you from feeling good 
Use them as firewood and let them burn 

Let them burn 
Let them burn 

fear is...

‎"Fearlessness is the total presence of fear, with the courage to face it."  OshO

i googled fearless and got taylor swift and colbie calliat song lyrics...one about the fearless high when falling in love. one about being fearless in moving on after the fallout of love. its always about love isn't it?.... 


definition is as "simple" as: free from fear . if only THAT were simple. if only simple were simple.....


my cousin recently posted this and i loved it: 

"But come here fear, 

I am alive. 

And you are so afraid of dying." 

i am not afraid of love. at all. i love love. i might be more afraid of loving....but then when i do i am usually pretty fearless with it. friend. lover. job. song. color. i just LOVE it.  maybe too much? 


free from fear... might be like free to feel. feel whatever it is. for quite possibly only the second time ever in my life i feel free to feel whatever i want to feel...and free of fear for what i may feel.


now to simply figure out what THAT is.  

ready or not....

Ready to Start, Arcade Fire


Businessmen drink my blood
Like the kids in art school said they would
And I guess I'll just begin again
You say can we still be friends

If I was scared 
I would
And if I was bored 
You know I would
And if I was yours 
But I'm not

All the kids have always known
That the emperor wears new clothes
But to bow to down to them anyway
Is better than to be alone

If I was scared 
I would
And if I was bored 
You know I would
And if I was yours 
But I'm not

Now you're knocking at my door
Saying please come out against the night
But I would rather be alone
Than pretend I feel alright
If the businessmen drink my blood
Like the kids in art school said they would
Then I guess I'll just begin again
You say can we still be friends

If I was scared 
I would
And if I was pure 
You know I would
And if I was yours 
But I'm not

Now I'm ready to start

If I was scared 
I would
And if I was pure 
You know I would
And if I was yours 
But I'm not

Now I'm ready to start
I would rather be wrong
Than live in the shadows of your song
My mind is open wide
And now I'm ready to start
Your mind surely opened the door
To step out into the dark
Now I'm ready 

ten for ten

(ps: so i didn't hit publish til the 11th. but it was written on the 10th...). whatever!


...maybe a new tradition. a list of ten things on the tenth's of the month. just because i like lists.

it's been a laughable week. not so much in the good way laughable, but more in the wow, really? that happened? and you have to kind of just laugh about it.

but then again there have been things that really made me laugh.

1.     WTF? bread people?....

2.i hate to be mean, this kid is ADORABLE. but every time i look at this bee i just bust up laughing!

 

3. driving  in a neon with my roomie listening to tapes. maybe you had to be there. or maybe you're laughing at us with us.  we danced to trance to stay warm. we're totally grown up and mature!

4. this wall art from the wynn las vegas. see what you will!

my roomie saw "cheshire cat vagina"

5. a husk of corn shaped "treat?" of kettle corn found off the 15 on the home from vegas road trip. purchased strictly for prime photo ops. i think roomie might kill me if i post the images here, but, the laughs were pretty good.

6. this amazingly random singing head that comes out of the water at the wynn. it may help to have a few drinks first. there was also a giant singing frog and glowing swimming balls that make a baby right in front of you. a baby ball. i swear i wasn't that drunk. this all really happened....

7. CONAN. so glad to have him back.

8. this person's (i don't know you, so im sorry.....) costume

this should so be "conan"ized.....

9. my friends. some of them were acknowledge above, but many more made me laugh and that's why i love em!

10.  the idea (and possible plan...) to dress up and go drunken caroling for the holidays. no religious restrictions. but there was a lot of talk of wearing muffs. and for some reason that resulted in a lot of laughs.

coffee talk

 courtesy of coffee bean and facebook friends

i have never thought of myself as simple....but i really would like to be simply myself. whatever that is...


this random psych student (or so he claimed....) came up to me at starbucks (yes please don't be confused. i did not frequent a coffee bean as seen in above picture) and asked me to answer a few questions for a research project. since i am totally incapable of saying no to a chance at anything psych/analyzing....i said yes.


i think in the end we learned i was a rare 4 on some scale. i liked that. rare and 4.... 


but every time he'd ask me to compare between two opposite personality styles or traits, i could totally define myself as either. depending on the situation. or decade. something crazy has to happen when you're raised by 2 therapists and 2 lawyers. and a pisces to boot. the easiest question to answer was when he asked if i was black and white or more in the middle? HAH. totally gray.  

line of the day.....

my adorable grandma sent me this book a few years back. i loved the author's style and sense of humor immediately....little thoughts like this one....


The Line

Where does the line go

between

self-love and,

selfishness,

and how do we know

when we cross it?

http://carmenrichardsonrutlen.com/