this came up just now in my twitter feed and i found it very timely with last nights post:
"when you define success on your own authentic terms, you're more than halfway to reaching it."... ralph marston
oh ya. did i mention i joined the world of twitter? it wasn't necessarily by choice, but realization that i need to learn all the social media sites better. if you're actually reading this, feel free to follow me @kc4word. (or, i beg you please!) i mostly retweet quotes or or funny things i read/overhear but would love for more interaction to keep my interest!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
i WILL blog today. i WILL blog today....
why am i so unmotivated to blog?!.... to write at all. to communicate at all might be fair even! i wish there was a way to export my thoughts directly into my blog versus having to sit down at the computer. i think a lot, and think of things i want to blog about, but always when i am out for a walk or in the shower...
i have been a "loner" as of late, which is really pretty unusual for me. its been a very interesting 6 months...
let's go back 7 months. i was living in orange county, where i have lived my entire life. i was working at my dream job where i had been just over 3 years, often working an insane amount of hours but i always felt it was for a purpose. i was living with a good friend in a 3 bedroom 2 bath townhouse. i was making decent money, although not for oc standards i guess. i had a lifelong group of friends that i saw on a regular basis. but - i wasn't happy.... i was lacking inspiration, excitement, love, simplicity...and i am not even sure what else.
6 months ago i was laid off. it felt like being run over by a truck at first. a part of me was relieved. i was burnt out. i was tired. i wanted to leave orange county....but i didn't want to be "unemployed"...
or did i? because 6 months later, i still don't want to be "employed"....
don't get me wrong. i would like a steady paycheck that was a lot more than the unemployment one, but, that's a different story.
i spent the first month basically going "what the fuck do i do now?!?!" and determined that i would get out of my lease, out of orange county, and figure the rest out from there. after spending 6 weeks on various couches and in a guest room - i found a great little 1 bedroom near sacramento- mostly because i have family in just about every direction in under 2 hours, its "affordable", and there are a lot of trees here. a LOT. i have been here just about 7 weeks now and i like it. that is all i can really say about it. its nice. i LOVE the trees 9but not the allergies!). i like that it has a nice balance of a small town and a "big" city. but would i want to spend my life (or even another year) here? i don't know...
and that brings me to one of my long walk discussions in my head. what do i want?
that should be so simple. and i have always been fairly certain of the answers. but lately, i find myself questioning all of those answers. (mid- life crisis at 32? oh shit?!). i am very certain of what i was raised to want. i was always very clear on the life my parents desired for me. and all that entailed. and i have always wanted to make them proud, albeit stubborn to do so in "my own way".
but i am not certain that my expected outcome, as i always believed it to be, IS what i want. not to say it's not. i just don't know. and i am not sure how you know want something until you try it....but somethings you can't really try out and decide you don't want. like being a parent for one big example. and financially, i don't see it being all THAT easy to continually move to new towns to experience if you like life there. especially if you want to settle down and marry someone. again, another if. or a job. i get bored at "jobs" easily, but if you don't do one long enough you may (MAY) never really excel at it. and be successful. if that is important. is it? and again, what is success?
living in orange county i found myself often struggling to balance a personal life full of friends and activities, and being able to afford that life. i often considered the greater "quality of life" in areas where the cost of living is more affordable. versus the "quality of life" living in orange county. keeping in mind, having been there my entire life and many of my friends and family remaining there - there is a lot of quality on that fact alone. i am constantly amazed at how my friends have managed to get married and buy house and have babies and i still struggle to make certain ends meet. well. i am horrible with my money, and saving, i won't deny. but still. that all seems SO far away...even with two incomes. i know....
i am predicting the coming months will force a lot of further thought on this topic, and my goal will be to continue to share with my non-existsent world of blog readers, in hopes that one day someone will stumble across my random rambles and find some comfort in relating, or find some words of wisdom to share, or just be inspired to blog themselves, or hell. leave a comment and help to re-inpsire me to return to blogging regularly because i DO KNOW that i want to do that. :)
in addition, a few things i also KNOW i WANT.... (note, a lot of thought recently on want vs need as well...)
1. i want a partner in life. (to clarify, a man, i am straight, and i love my girlfriends, but when i say partner, i only mean not to specify husband. legal marriage. but maybe i should say lover, because i also don't mean a male friend, with or without benefits. unless that friend with benefits is said partner that i am in love with. wow. long clarification. typical!). but point being, i want to share my life, my experiences, my heart and soul, with someone.
2. i want to enjoy an active life. i don't necessarily mean "active" as in running or jumping, but those things are cool too! i want to be active in my friends and families lives, active in the way of a career, travel, experience, etc.
3. i want to be my own boss. i am pretty sure being able to support myself, as my own boss, would be my definition of success. where, how, doing what, with who.... that is to be determined. sort of.
4. i want a home filled with love. where who how etc to be determined.
5. i want to be healthier. its something i have never taken much interest in. it is something i have said i want but don't really actively pursue, which then creates the questions of, do i really want this? saying and doing are not the same things. wanting and doing are not the same things. but, logically, i know, in order for the above 4 things to happen, i have to want this.... and i want to want this. so how do i actually do this?!? (please note - this is not where i seek diet or exercise advice. the issue is more a matter of getting the horse to just drink the water. its staring at the trough).
and that's about it. big picture down. next 5 mins? next week? next year? hah! not a clue!
but for now, i guess the next 5 seconds, i will simply pat myself on the back for finally blogging, and push publish, and be happy with just that!
i have been a "loner" as of late, which is really pretty unusual for me. its been a very interesting 6 months...
let's go back 7 months. i was living in orange county, where i have lived my entire life. i was working at my dream job where i had been just over 3 years, often working an insane amount of hours but i always felt it was for a purpose. i was living with a good friend in a 3 bedroom 2 bath townhouse. i was making decent money, although not for oc standards i guess. i had a lifelong group of friends that i saw on a regular basis. but - i wasn't happy.... i was lacking inspiration, excitement, love, simplicity...and i am not even sure what else.
6 months ago i was laid off. it felt like being run over by a truck at first. a part of me was relieved. i was burnt out. i was tired. i wanted to leave orange county....but i didn't want to be "unemployed"...
or did i? because 6 months later, i still don't want to be "employed"....
don't get me wrong. i would like a steady paycheck that was a lot more than the unemployment one, but, that's a different story.
i spent the first month basically going "what the fuck do i do now?!?!" and determined that i would get out of my lease, out of orange county, and figure the rest out from there. after spending 6 weeks on various couches and in a guest room - i found a great little 1 bedroom near sacramento- mostly because i have family in just about every direction in under 2 hours, its "affordable", and there are a lot of trees here. a LOT. i have been here just about 7 weeks now and i like it. that is all i can really say about it. its nice. i LOVE the trees 9but not the allergies!). i like that it has a nice balance of a small town and a "big" city. but would i want to spend my life (or even another year) here? i don't know...
and that brings me to one of my long walk discussions in my head. what do i want?
that should be so simple. and i have always been fairly certain of the answers. but lately, i find myself questioning all of those answers. (mid- life crisis at 32? oh shit?!). i am very certain of what i was raised to want. i was always very clear on the life my parents desired for me. and all that entailed. and i have always wanted to make them proud, albeit stubborn to do so in "my own way".
but i am not certain that my expected outcome, as i always believed it to be, IS what i want. not to say it's not. i just don't know. and i am not sure how you know want something until you try it....but somethings you can't really try out and decide you don't want. like being a parent for one big example. and financially, i don't see it being all THAT easy to continually move to new towns to experience if you like life there. especially if you want to settle down and marry someone. again, another if. or a job. i get bored at "jobs" easily, but if you don't do one long enough you may (MAY) never really excel at it. and be successful. if that is important. is it? and again, what is success?
living in orange county i found myself often struggling to balance a personal life full of friends and activities, and being able to afford that life. i often considered the greater "quality of life" in areas where the cost of living is more affordable. versus the "quality of life" living in orange county. keeping in mind, having been there my entire life and many of my friends and family remaining there - there is a lot of quality on that fact alone. i am constantly amazed at how my friends have managed to get married and buy house and have babies and i still struggle to make certain ends meet. well. i am horrible with my money, and saving, i won't deny. but still. that all seems SO far away...even with two incomes. i know....
i am predicting the coming months will force a lot of further thought on this topic, and my goal will be to continue to share with my non-existsent world of blog readers, in hopes that one day someone will stumble across my random rambles and find some comfort in relating, or find some words of wisdom to share, or just be inspired to blog themselves, or hell. leave a comment and help to re-inpsire me to return to blogging regularly because i DO KNOW that i want to do that. :)
in addition, a few things i also KNOW i WANT.... (note, a lot of thought recently on want vs need as well...)
1. i want a partner in life. (to clarify, a man, i am straight, and i love my girlfriends, but when i say partner, i only mean not to specify husband. legal marriage. but maybe i should say lover, because i also don't mean a male friend, with or without benefits. unless that friend with benefits is said partner that i am in love with. wow. long clarification. typical!). but point being, i want to share my life, my experiences, my heart and soul, with someone.
2. i want to enjoy an active life. i don't necessarily mean "active" as in running or jumping, but those things are cool too! i want to be active in my friends and families lives, active in the way of a career, travel, experience, etc.
3. i want to be my own boss. i am pretty sure being able to support myself, as my own boss, would be my definition of success. where, how, doing what, with who.... that is to be determined. sort of.
4. i want a home filled with love. where who how etc to be determined.
5. i want to be healthier. its something i have never taken much interest in. it is something i have said i want but don't really actively pursue, which then creates the questions of, do i really want this? saying and doing are not the same things. wanting and doing are not the same things. but, logically, i know, in order for the above 4 things to happen, i have to want this.... and i want to want this. so how do i actually do this?!? (please note - this is not where i seek diet or exercise advice. the issue is more a matter of getting the horse to just drink the water. its staring at the trough).
and that's about it. big picture down. next 5 mins? next week? next year? hah! not a clue!
but for now, i guess the next 5 seconds, i will simply pat myself on the back for finally blogging, and push publish, and be happy with just that!
Saturday, April 2, 2011
when parents text...
if you haven't checked out when parents text - you must. i honestly think its better than damnyouautocorrect!
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