poet.

to me, this is such a perfect articulation on love and writing. love this song by Bastille. 

Poet, Bastille

Obsession it takes control,

Obsession it eats me whole.

I can't say the words out loud,

So in a rhyme I wrote you down.

Now you'll live through the ages,

I can feel your pulse in the pages.

I have written you down

Now you will live forever

And all the world will read you

And you will live forever

In eyes not yet created

On tongues that are not born

I have written you down

Now you will live forever

Your body lies upon the sheet,

Of paper and words so sweet.

I can't say the words,

so I wrote you into my verse.

Now you'll live through the ages,

I can feel your pulse in the pages.

I have written you down

Now you will live forever

And all the world will read you,

And you will live forever

In eyes not yet created

On tongues that are not born

I have written you down

Now you will live forever

I have read her with these eyes,

I've read her with these eyes,

I have held her in these hands.

I have written you down,

Now you will live forever.

The virtues in the verse,

And you will live forever.

I have written you down

Now you will live forever

And all the world will read you

And you will live forever

In eyes not yet created

On tongues that are not born

I have written you down

Now you will live forever

home.....

"home is where the heart is".....but what what makes your heart? what makes your home?....


things that have meant home for me:

• my family. especially my mom <3
• my friends and friends who have become family
• the (smell of the) beach
• THE 405 :)
• my kitty
• my childhood pound puppy
• my bed
• being in that certain someone's arms.
• behind closed doors
• the actual house i grew up in

some of these things remain. some do not. some of these are the same. some are not. all of these things still seem like home, but, they are no longer all in one place, or, all possible...


i don't know where my heart is, where my home is....


i do know where my memories are all. all in one place. it is very strange to be there and not feel home.


"home" 
foo fighters

Wish I were with you
I couldn't stay
Every direction
Leads me away
Pray for tomorrow
But for today

All I want is to be home

Stand in the mirror
You look the same
Just lookin' for shelter
From cold and the pain
Someone to cover
Safe from the rain

All I want is to be home

Echoes and silence
Patience and grace
All of these moments
I'll never replace
No fear of my heart
Absence of faith

All I want is to be home
Ooh
All I want is to be home

People I've loved
I have no regrets
Some I remember
Some I forget
Some of them living
Some of them dead

All I want is to be home 

HB (11.28.2009)

what, who, where is your home?....

record collector

Lissie is by far one of my favorite music discoveries of 2010. if you haven't heard of her i highly recommend giving her a listen to :) check out this song live here! 


Record Collector
I'm tired of saying
That I won't get lost ever again
Who knows, maybe I will
And everywhere I go
There I'll be
With a rusty old rake an a pile of leaves
Oh my, truly daunting

But my blue eyes
Cannot see
That their real hue is probably green
I should keep records of these things
And I'll know what yesterdays bring

I'm, I'm not really sure
But I'm starting to think that I've been here before
Who knows
Maybe I have
And everywhere I went
There I was with a choir of bees
They were all a buzz
Oh my, how amusing

But my blue eyes
Cannot see
That their real hue is probably green
I should keep records of these things
And I'll know what yesterdays bring

But...
One time, there was this one time
When I swore God, she spoke to me
And she told me, oh yes she told me
Of all the wonder that she could bring
And I said,

Won't you, won't you fill me up with it, won't you fill me up with it,
Won't you fill me
Won't you, won't you fill me up with it, why don't you fill me up with it,
Why don't you fill me
Won't you, won't you fill me up with it, why do't you fill me up with it,
Why don't you fill me

But my blue eyes
Cannot see
That their real hue is probably green
I should keep records of these things
And I'll know what yesterdays bring

I am always here with me
And I'll know what yesterdays bring

More lyrics by Lissie
All about Lissie: http://www.musictory.com/music/Lissie

motto....

have i mentioned my new motto? i stole it from an episode of oprah. not sure if i should admit that or not!

"less space. less stuff. more life!". that's my motto. well, one of many really. but, a good all encompassing one i think. 

and tomorrow, i finally get all my "stuff" and can begin setting up my "space" - which is a LOT less than before (thankfully so is the stuff pile...) and really begin this new, life. 

i want more more more - life. this song made me happy even while i was out running errands like paying my super late car registration. oops. 

Young the Giant, "My Body"

Stop, the train is ridin down to the station
where you lived when we were school kids
Hey, the rails are caught now
And I am falling down fools in a spiral
Round this town of steam

My Body tells me no, but I won't quit
Cause I want more, cause I want more
My Body tells me no, but I won't quit
Cause I want more, cause I want more

Stop the train is riding down to the station where I lived
When I was a cool kid
Hey, is it my fault that the fallen embers burn down in a spiral
Round your crown of thieves

My Body tells me no, but I won't quit
cause I want more, cause I want more
My Body tells me no, but I won't quit
cause I want more, cause I want more
And it rides out of town 
Oh, it's my road, it's my road, it's my road
It's my road, it's my road, iIt's my road

And it's my war, It's my war, it's my war
It's my war
His eyes are open
His eyes are open

Oh, cause I want more, I want more
Want more
His eyes are open
His eyes are open

(Hey, hey, hey)

My body tells me no but I won't quit
Cause I want more, cause I want more
My body tells me no but I wont quit
Cause I want more cause I want more
It rides out of town

on the road.....

i've been on the road a lot lately....i never used to like to drive but that has changed more recently. for a few reasons.....


for one, i am loving the scenery of my drives these days.its all new. everywhere i go, is somewhere i haven't been before. or least not driven past every single day....


there are trees!!!! an abundant amount of never ending tree lined streets. creating tunnels and shadows and peeks of gorgeous light. or stars. and not perfectly placed and patterned palm trees in a row. but all different kinds of trees. as the ex-roomie recently remarked "there are actually leaves here. before we just had leaf blowers!"  yep. i LOVE trees. 


and best of all, there is the brilliant "playlist". (martin - THIS is the worthiest reason for something more than a shuffle, btw.....). i thought having a 6 disc changer was amazing a few years back, and i could even make my own cds with 15 or so songs. for different moods. now i can have infinite playlists for each and every mood (or road companion) and drive for hours without ever having to change a cd, station, song..... 


music is by far one of my biggest addictions and obsessions.  amazon and itunes are frequently visited....if you spend a little time you would be amazed at how much good free music is out there. legally even! i happily drank apple's koolaid and own a shuffle, U2 collector edition ipod, iphone and itouch, and i really want a freaking ipad. don't ask why. i drank the koolaid. and you should too. (at least a little!)  these things have only made this addiction/obsession worse with instant gratification - i shazam all day long, i can look up lyrics immediately, create personalized NO talk/commercial radio stations on pandora, send songs  as post cards to friends....the options are endless. and i LOVE it.


lately, my %$^($& drive mixx has been on regular play. these are a few of the artists that seem to fill the space the most, in no specific order:


joshua radin
missy higgins
fink
elliott smith
lissie
jack savoretti
matt costa
snow patrol
damien rice
carolina liar
ray lamontagne
rachel yamagata


and a new find from the ending of this week's californiacation, when hank is driving off.....

If I Go, I'm Goin, Gregory Alan Isakov

this house
she’s holding secrets
i got my change behind the bed
in a coffee can,
i throw my nickels in
just incase i have to leave
and i will go if you ask me to
i will stay if you dare
and if i go i’m goin shameless
i’ll let my hunger take me there
this house
she’s quite the talker
she creeks and moans
she keeps me up
and the photographs
know i’m a liar
they just laugh as i burn her down
and i will go if you ask me to
i will stay if you dare
and if i go i’m goin on fire
let my anger take me there
the shingles man they’re shaking
the back door’s burning through
this house she’s quite the keeper
quite the keeper of you
i will go if you ask me to
i will stay if you dare
and if i go, i’m goin crazy
i’ll let my darlin take me there

happiness

Happiness by The Fray

Happiness is just outside my window
Would it crash blowing 80-miles an hour?
Or is happiness a little more like knocking
On your door, and you just let it in?

Happiness feels a lot like sorrow
Let it be, you can't make it come or go
But you are gone- not for good but for now
Gone for now feels a lot like gone for good

Happiness is a firecracker sitting on my headboard
Happiness was never mine to hold
Careful child, light the fuse and get away
‘Cause happiness throws a shower of sparks

Happiness damn near destroys you
Breaks your faith to pieces on the floor
So you tell yourself, that's enough for now
Happiness has a violent roar

Happiness is like the old man told me
Look for it, but you'll never find it all
Let it go, live your life and leave it
Then one day, wake up and she'll be home
Home, home, home

i think i have always been the kind of person who has the music turned up so loud i can't hear the knocking....

maybe.....

"Maybe" by Sick Puppies

Maybe I'm a dreamer
Maybe I'm misunderstood
Maybe you're not seeing the side of me you should
Maybe I'm crazy
(Maybe I'm crazy)
Maybe I'm the only one
(Maybe I'm the only one)
Maybe I'm just out of touch
Maybe I've just had enough

Maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try
So why does it feel so wrong
To reach for something more
To wanna live a better life
What am I waiting for?
'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change

Maybe it's hopeless
(Maybe it's hopeless)
Maybe I should just give up
(Maybe I should just give up)
What if I can't trust myself?
What if I just need some help?

Maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try
So why does it feel so wrong
To reach for something more
To wanna live a better life
What am I waiting for?
'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change

And maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try

And maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try
So why does it feel so wrong
To reach for something more
To wanna live a better life
What am I waiting for?
'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change
'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change

saving face

"Saving My Face" KT Tunstall

See the look on my face
From staying too long in one place
But every time I try to leave
I find I keep on stalling
Feel like a big old stone
Standing by a strength of my own
But every time the morning breaks
I know I'm closer to falling

I'm all out of love, all out of faith
I would give everything just for a taste
Everything's here, all out of place
Losing my memory, saving my face
Saving my face, saving my face
Saving my face.

Listening to what you say
Even though I look the other way
You could never understand the feeling
Of what I'm leaving

I'm all out of love, all out of faith
I would give everything just for a taste
Everything's here, all out of place
Losing my memory, saving my face
Saving my face...

Whoa, ooh...

Leave it all to me
I will do the right thing
Baby I'll be everything I need
Leave it all to me
I will do the right thing
Baby I'll be everything I need
Leave it all to me
I will do the right thing
Do the right thing

I'm all out of love, all out of faith
I would give everything just for a taste
Everything's here, all out of place
Losing my memory, I'm losing the best of me.

I'm all out of love, all out of faith
I would give everything just for a taste
Everything's here, all out of place
Losing my memory, saving my face
Saving my face...

Whoa, ooh... 

let em burn

"Words" by Train

I'd give anything but I won't give up on you 
I'd say anything, but not goodbye 
I will run with your changes and I'm always on your side 
And there's not a word I've ever heard that would make me change my mind 

Words they'll try to shake you 
Don't let them break you 
Or stop your world from turning 
When words keep you from feeling good 
Use them as firewood and let them burn 

Like stones in your pocket people try to wear you down 
Someone always wants to take the love you've found 
So let's runs with these changes and I want you by my side 
And there's not a word I've ever heard that would make me change my mind 

Words they'll try to shake you 
Don't let them break you 
Or stop your world from turning 
When words keep you from feeling good 
Use them as firewood and let them burn 

Let them burn 
Let them burn 
Underneath every word somebody's heart been broken 
With or without words we try to forgive 

Words they'll try to shake us 
Don't let them break us 
Or stop our world from turning 
When words keep you from feeling good 
Use them as firewood and let them burn 

Words they'll try to shake you 
Don't let them break you 
Or stop your world, stop your world from turning round
When words keep you from feeling good 
Use them as firewood and let them burn 

Let them burn 
Let them burn 

ready or not....

Ready to Start, Arcade Fire


Businessmen drink my blood
Like the kids in art school said they would
And I guess I'll just begin again
You say can we still be friends

If I was scared 
I would
And if I was bored 
You know I would
And if I was yours 
But I'm not

All the kids have always known
That the emperor wears new clothes
But to bow to down to them anyway
Is better than to be alone

If I was scared 
I would
And if I was bored 
You know I would
And if I was yours 
But I'm not

Now you're knocking at my door
Saying please come out against the night
But I would rather be alone
Than pretend I feel alright
If the businessmen drink my blood
Like the kids in art school said they would
Then I guess I'll just begin again
You say can we still be friends

If I was scared 
I would
And if I was pure 
You know I would
And if I was yours 
But I'm not

Now I'm ready to start

If I was scared 
I would
And if I was pure 
You know I would
And if I was yours 
But I'm not

Now I'm ready to start
I would rather be wrong
Than live in the shadows of your song
My mind is open wide
And now I'm ready to start
Your mind surely opened the door
To step out into the dark
Now I'm ready 

fink. this is the thing.

I don't know if you noticed anything different
It's getting dark and it's getting cold and the nights are getting long
I don't know if you even noticed at all
That I'm long gone baby, I'm long gone
And the things that keep us apart keep me alive and
The things that keep me alive keep me alone
This is the thing

I don't know if you notice anything missing
Like the leaves on the trees or my clothes all over the floor
I don't know if you'll even notice at all
Coz I was real quiet when I closed the door
And the things that keep us apart keep me alive and
The things that keep me alive keep me alone

This is the thing

I don't know if you notice anything different
I don't know if you even notice at all
I don't know if you notice anything missing

This Is The Thing
This Is The Thing
This Is The Thing
This Is The Thing

raise your glass!

Right, right, turn off the lights
We're gonna lose our minds tonight
What's the dealio?
I love when it's all too much
5am turn the radio up
Where's the rock 'n roll?

Party crasher, penny snatcher
Call me up if you're a gangsta
Don't be fancy, just get dancy
Why so serious?

So raise your glass if you are wrong
In all the right ways, all my underdogs
We will never be, never be anything but loud
And nitty gritty, dirty little freaks
Won't you come on and come on and
Raise your glass!
Just come on and come on and
Raise your glass!

Slam, slam, oh hot damn
What part of a party don't you understand?
We should just freak out
(Freak out already)
Can't stop, coming in hot
I should be locked up right on the spot
It's so on right now
(It's so fucking on right now)

Party crasher, penny snatcher
Call me up if you're a gangsta
Don't be fizzy, just get dizzy
Why so serious?

So raise your glass if you are wrong
In all the right ways, all my underdogs
We will never be, never be anything but loud
And nitty gritty, dirty little freaks
Won't you come on and come on and
Raise your glass!
Just come on and come on and
Raise your glass!
Won't you come on and come on and
Raise your glass!
Just come on and come on and
Raise your glass!

Oh shit! My glass is empty
That sucks!

So if you're too school for cool
And you're treated like a fool
(You're treated like a fool)
You can choose to let it go
We can always, we can always party on our own

So raise your (oh, fuck)
So raise your glass if you are wrong
In all the right ways, all my underdogs
We will never be, never be anything but loud
And nitty gritty, dirty little freaks

So raise your glass if you are wrong
In all the right ways, all my underdogs
We will never be, never be anything but loud
And nitty gritty, dirty little freaks
Won't you come on and come on and
Raise your glass!
Just come on and come on and
Raise your glass!
Won't you come on and come on and
Raise your glass for me!
Just come on and come on and
Raise your glass for me! 

...pink

october

october....

it hits me like a ton of bricks. i try to pretend/hope its not going to. but it does. (and with that a warning. this leans toward the more personal/raw of writings....)

to most its a pretty great month. oktoberfest (love the k), halloween, pumpkin everything, almost the holidays.... its event season so i am crazy busy at work which i generally like.... but its october. and so far, 6 years later, its still overwhelmingly "the month she died".

some people die in an instant. some people die in a day. they could look back and say "thats the day so and so died". yes, there was a day she died. and actually, i vividly recall the exact instant she died. but really, it was an entire month of hell of watching her slowly and painfully die. there is just no other way around it. for me. yet....

october, by u2, is one of the few songs that the music itself holds a greater impact than the lyrics. the words. in fact for years i loved the song and enjoyed the melody (....huh) alone. i did not even know the words until that year. october, 2004. how was it possible  -  such perfect words to that perfect sound.... it sounds how it feels....

the truth is -  this is one subject i don't think any words could really satisfy....

(please ignore the sorta cheesey but sorta fitting images in the video)



october
and the trees are stripped bare
of all they wear
what do I care
october
and kingdoms rise and kingdoms fall
but You go on
and on 

 and that is love....

our tree. stripped bare. sentinel dome, yosemite. 

lotd

"The Cave" Mumford and Sons

It's empty in the valley of your heart
The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind

The harvest left no food for you to eat
You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see
But I have seen the same
I know the shame in your defeat

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

Cause I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind

So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

So come out of your cave walking on your hands
And see the world hanging upside down
You can understand dependence
When you know the maker's land

So make your siren's call
And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say

Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be

And I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again 

hit of the day....

"Take Back The City" Snow Patrol

Take back the city for yourself tonight
Or I’ll take back the city for me
Take back the city for yourself tonight
Whoa

God knows you put your life in two a times
And it’s both cradled you and crushed
But now it’s time to make your own demands
Whoa

All these years later and it’s killing me
Your broken records and words
Ten thousand craters where it all should be 
Whoa

No need to put your words into my mouth
Don’t need convincing at all
I love this place enough to have no doubt
Whoa

It’s a mess
It’s a start
It’s a flawed work of art
Your city, your call
Every crack, every wall
Pick a side, pick a fight
Get your epitaph right
You can sing ‘til you drop
Cause the fun just never stops

I love this city tonight 
I love this city always
It bears it’s teeth like a light
And spits me out after days
But we’re all gluttons for it 
We know what’s wrong and it’s right
For every time it’s been hit
Take back the city tonight

Tell me you never wanted more from this
And I will stop talking now
One perfect partner, one eternal kiss
Whoa

Take back the city for yourself tonight
Or I’ll take back the city for me
Take back the city for yourself tonight
Whoa

It’s a mess
It’s a start
It’s a flawed work of art
Your city, your call
Every crack, every wall
Pick a side, pick a fight
Get your epitaph right
You can sing ‘til you drop
Cause the fun just never stops

I love this city tonight 
I love this city always
It bears it’s teeth like a light
And spits me out after days
But we’re all gluttons for it 
We know what’s wrong and it’s right
For every time it’s been hit
Take back the city tonight

I love this city tonight 
I love this city always
It bears it’s teeth like a light
And spits me out after days
But we’re all gluttons for it 
We know what’s wrong and it’s right
For every time it’s been hit
Take back the city tonight

I love this city tonight 
I love this city always
I love this city tonight 
I love this city always