pinterest

seriously. genius. first off, the name. pin+interest =pinterest. so simple.  i heart words!

if you don't, you may not want to, (say goodbye to the last remaining 5 mins of free time you have!) but really, you should. just don't say i didn't warn you.

check out my WORD board pinterest.com/kc4word/word/

stolen props

loved ms taryn's post today, was a perfect steal for word. check out her blog as she moves on up to SF! congrats and best wishes my friend! you're gonna blow sf's socks off! xo

the world to me

raw. rawr!

qotd

‎"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."...Ralph Waldo Emerson

qotd

"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." - Theodore Roosevelt

Wordless Wednesday with words....

Thanks again to Kerry for this genius find, and thanks to pinterest! If you use it, (PLS!) check my boards out at "kc4word". Eventually I'll get around to pinning more :)

This is very fitting for the week. There's been more tears this week than in a LONG time. But I have felt that they have been tears of healing and not of pain and sadness. Slightly different from tears of joy but more along those lines.

I've also totally felt like a baby! And I have felt alive....

xo kk.

Wotd

Thanks to ker for this one!

home.....

"home is where the heart is".....but what what makes your heart? what makes your home?....


things that have meant home for me:

• my family. especially my mom <3
• my friends and friends who have become family
• the (smell of the) beach
• THE 405 :)
• my kitty
• my childhood pound puppy
• my bed
• being in that certain someone's arms.
• behind closed doors
• the actual house i grew up in

some of these things remain. some do not. some of these are the same. some are not. all of these things still seem like home, but, they are no longer all in one place, or, all possible...


i don't know where my heart is, where my home is....


i do know where my memories are all. all in one place. it is very strange to be there and not feel home.


"home" 
foo fighters

Wish I were with you
I couldn't stay
Every direction
Leads me away
Pray for tomorrow
But for today

All I want is to be home

Stand in the mirror
You look the same
Just lookin' for shelter
From cold and the pain
Someone to cover
Safe from the rain

All I want is to be home

Echoes and silence
Patience and grace
All of these moments
I'll never replace
No fear of my heart
Absence of faith

All I want is to be home
Ooh
All I want is to be home

People I've loved
I have no regrets
Some I remember
Some I forget
Some of them living
Some of them dead

All I want is to be home 

HB (11.28.2009)

what, who, where is your home?....

word!

record collector

Lissie is by far one of my favorite music discoveries of 2010. if you haven't heard of her i highly recommend giving her a listen to :) check out this song live here! 


Record Collector
I'm tired of saying
That I won't get lost ever again
Who knows, maybe I will
And everywhere I go
There I'll be
With a rusty old rake an a pile of leaves
Oh my, truly daunting

But my blue eyes
Cannot see
That their real hue is probably green
I should keep records of these things
And I'll know what yesterdays bring

I'm, I'm not really sure
But I'm starting to think that I've been here before
Who knows
Maybe I have
And everywhere I went
There I was with a choir of bees
They were all a buzz
Oh my, how amusing

But my blue eyes
Cannot see
That their real hue is probably green
I should keep records of these things
And I'll know what yesterdays bring

But...
One time, there was this one time
When I swore God, she spoke to me
And she told me, oh yes she told me
Of all the wonder that she could bring
And I said,

Won't you, won't you fill me up with it, won't you fill me up with it,
Won't you fill me
Won't you, won't you fill me up with it, why don't you fill me up with it,
Why don't you fill me
Won't you, won't you fill me up with it, why do't you fill me up with it,
Why don't you fill me

But my blue eyes
Cannot see
That their real hue is probably green
I should keep records of these things
And I'll know what yesterdays bring

I am always here with me
And I'll know what yesterdays bring

More lyrics by Lissie
All about Lissie: http://www.musictory.com/music/Lissie

don't quote me friend.....

i went looking for a quote about friendship the other day to post on my friend's wall. i have a handful of GIRL friends, females that is, that i am really close with and trust. i have somewhat adopted a nickname for each of them - one being my anchor, one my peace, one my solace.... i was looking for something for the peace one, who, at the time, needed some peace herself. 

i didn't find anything fitting, but i did find a lot of quotes touching on some things i have really been thinking about lately. that being the impact of your friends (or family), and their style of friendship...comparing, noting, questioning, examining.... i over think.... A LOT. 

"Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.” unknown

i have a lot of walls up. most of my closest relationships (friends, family, lovers...) have been people with a lot of walls up. i have always been, with those i love the most, happy to take a sledge hammer to your freaking walls. even as they continue to pile them up, or request that i stop. i just love demolition! well, and more so, re-construction.... admittedly, many, if not everyone at times, can't stand this about me. but, more times than not, i find people coming to me asking me to hammer at them. because i will. (or is this just my ego? speak up friends!!) there are different tools for different people. sometimes i may only be willing to use an ice pick. but if you're in it for life i'll come at you with a bull dozer.

i am not sure that i have any friends, or family, that are like me, like that. i have some ice picks, some maybe even some sledge hammers, and, some bricks have fallen. but i don't think i have any bull dozers. 

is that my own doing? one thing most people in my life seem to agree on about me is that i am strong and can get through anything. which i agree. i am. and i will. but a lot of that strength comes from the walls of brick surrounding me. and a really solid floor below me for the first 25 years of my life.     

sometimes i think it would be nice for someone to knock all the walls down with a bull dozer, then buy me all new material and rebuild. have i taken this metaphor too far?.... but instead, picture, a really poor area, with no bull dozers.or machinery of any kind. just a lot of brick walls and some (REALLY GREAT!) ice picks and sledge hammers.

on the same note: "A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down." Arnold H. Glasow

“True friends stab you in the front.” Oscar Wilde. i really like this..... i have been hurt by plenty of people before. but when there is hurt without lies or deceit, the pain is so much more capable of being repaired. easily. i also think i say a lot of things to my loved ones that sting. stab straight to the heart. sometimes on purpose. but i think sometimes people need that. and its better to say it straight to them than behind their back....i have said some really hurtful things to some of my friends, but honestly, i haven't lost one from it. 

"An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind." Buddha

there are people in your life that you know what to expect from. they can't quite hurt you like the ones you trust and are betrayed by. lies are so damaging in a friendship, in any relationship. sure there are white lies and is my butt too big lies, but, those are sincere lies. i think this may be in part why i have always preferred? (had so many?....) male friends versus female. men are wild beasts! women, too often, insincere bitches ;) but.....wild beasts or evil more than a friend....those both can wound your heart..... 

stereotypes exist for a reason....: "Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn't seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces." Anne Morrow Lindberg

“The difference between friendship and love is how much you can hurt each other” Ashleigh Brilliant 

isn't funny how differently a lover's anything (circumstance, feelings, position, attitude, bad habit....) can affect you ten fold of any friend, no matter how much love there is? whatever happens in between friendship and love, the risk, the gift, is so much greater. something happens when that line is crossed. but, its almost unfortunate. how much better lovers we might be able to be if we could stay as unaffected by our lovers as we are our friends. question: is this the female in me? the over sensitive pisces in me? or is this, generally true. a female did say it....

as i pondered it all...i did come to a conclusion i felt settled with. and then i found a quote (without trying....) that really summed that up for me...

“Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose.” Tennessee Williams

but not because it is our companions/family's responsibility to break down our walls, and i am not saying i should look specifically more for bull dozers. but i do believe the company you chose to keep plays a huge role on the type of person you want to be, aspire to be, are challenged to be. so in that lies your (oneself) responsibility to chose your own best company, in addition to being, your own best self.....

and on that note....:“There are three types of friends: those like food, without which you can't live; those like medicine, which you need occasionally; and those like an illness, which you never want.” unknown

:)

word foto! k+k

lost and found

‎"If you don't get lost, there's a chance you may never be found." ~ Author Unknown

qotd

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away."...HENRY DAVID THOREAU, Walden

i've never been good at climbing trees....

but i can sure hug the heck out of one!


"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." ... Albert Einstein


i read this recently and it really struck me.... lately i have been really analyzing/contemplating  what makes someone "smart", or, "capable". what really defines smart? i've never been a believer that an education alone can make one smart. i wonder how much of one's abilities are limited or expanded (affected) merely by their own (or others) expectations of them.  


i grew up hearing  often that i was "bored" or not challenged in school and that was why i was so easily distracted or unfocused. other people made this excuse/justification for me long before i could. i was always "capable" of getting good grades, and, sometimes i did. but plenty of times i didn't. according to my parents that is because i did not apply myself. other people made this excuse/justification for me long before i could. its something that has carried into my life in almost every aspect. if i am not interested in something, i easily lose focus on it. and if something catches my attention, i can DIVE into it....but i often get bored soon enough and want a new challenge. i believe this is probably true for a lot of people, but, a lot of people still continue to "routinely" live their days and not seek additional challenges. isn't this the grown up mature thing to do? 


i have never been shy about saying i just wanna be a toys r us kid. or to bang on me drum all day! but i know this isn't realistic.....


there may be a few tree climbers looking down on me just simply hugging that tree and not climbing it, but i believe that somewhere, somehow, there is a way to live/have a career that will provide me a variety of challenges and change that will feel like i am playing. because that to me is truly genius.  

a perfectly timed qotd

this came up just now in my twitter feed and i found it very timely with last nights post:  


"when you define success on your own authentic terms, you're more than halfway to reaching it."...  ralph marston


oh ya. did i mention i joined the world of twitter? it wasn't necessarily by choice, but realization that i need to learn all the social media sites better. if you're actually reading this, feel free to follow me @kc4word. (or, i beg you please!)  i mostly retweet quotes or or funny things i read/overhear but would love for more interaction to keep my interest!

i WILL blog today. i WILL blog today....

why am i so unmotivated to blog?!....  to write at all. to communicate at all might be fair even! i wish there was a way to export my thoughts directly into my blog versus having to sit down at the computer. i think a lot, and think of things i want to blog about, but always when i am out for a walk or in the shower...

i have been a "loner" as of late, which is really pretty unusual for me. its been a very interesting 6 months...

let's go back 7 months. i was living in orange county, where i have lived my entire life. i was working at my dream job where i had been just over 3 years, often working an insane amount of hours but i always felt it was for a purpose. i was living with a good friend in a 3 bedroom 2 bath townhouse. i was making decent money, although not for oc standards i guess. i had a lifelong group of friends that i saw on a regular basis. but - i wasn't happy.... i was lacking inspiration, excitement, love, simplicity...and i am not even sure what else.

6 months ago i was laid off. it felt like being run over by a truck at first. a part of me was relieved. i was burnt out. i was tired. i wanted to leave orange county....but i didn't want to be "unemployed"...

or did i?  because 6 months later, i still don't want to be "employed"....

don't get me wrong. i would like a steady paycheck that was a lot more than the unemployment one, but, that's a different story.

i spent the first month basically going "what the fuck do i do now?!?!" and determined that i would get out of my lease, out of orange county, and figure the rest out from there. after spending 6 weeks on various couches and in a guest room - i found a great little 1 bedroom near sacramento- mostly because i have family in just about every direction in under 2 hours, its "affordable", and there are a lot of trees  here. a LOT. i have been here just about 7 weeks now and i like it. that is all i can really say about it. its nice. i LOVE the trees 9but not the allergies!). i like that it has a nice balance of a small town and a "big" city. but would i want to spend my life (or even another year) here? i don't know...

and that brings me to one of my long walk discussions in my head. what do i want?

that should be so simple. and i have always been fairly certain of the answers. but lately, i find myself questioning all of those answers. (mid- life crisis at 32? oh shit?!). i am very certain of what i was raised to want. i was always very clear on the life my parents desired for me. and all that entailed. and i have always wanted to make them proud, albeit stubborn to do so in "my own way".

but i am not certain that my expected outcome, as i always believed it to be, IS what i want. not to say it's not. i just don't know. and i am not sure how you know want something until you try it....but somethings you can't really try out and decide you don't want. like being a parent for one big example. and financially, i don't see it being all THAT easy to continually move to new towns to experience if you like life there. especially if you want to settle down and marry someone. again, another if. or a job. i get bored at "jobs" easily, but if you don't do one long enough you may (MAY) never really excel at it. and be successful. if that is important. is it? and again, what is success?

living in orange county i found myself often struggling to balance a personal life full of friends and activities, and being able to afford that life. i often considered the greater "quality of life" in areas where the cost of living is more affordable. versus the "quality of life" living in orange county. keeping in mind, having been there my entire life and many of my friends and family remaining there - there is a lot of quality on that fact alone. i am constantly amazed at how my friends have managed to get married and buy house and have babies and i still struggle to make certain ends meet. well. i am horrible with my money, and saving, i won't deny. but still. that all seems SO far away...even with two incomes. i know....

i am predicting the coming months will force a lot of further thought on this topic, and my goal will be to continue to share with my non-existsent world of blog readers, in hopes that one day someone will stumble across my random rambles and find some comfort in relating, or find some words of wisdom to share, or just be inspired to blog themselves, or hell. leave a comment and help  to re-inpsire me to return to blogging regularly because i DO KNOW that i want to do that. :)

in addition, a few things i also KNOW i WANT.... (note, a lot of thought recently on want vs need as well...)

1. i want a partner in life. (to clarify, a man, i am straight, and i love my girlfriends, but when i say partner, i only mean not to specify husband. legal marriage. but maybe i should say lover, because i also don't mean a male friend, with or without benefits. unless that friend with benefits is said partner that i am in love with. wow. long clarification. typical!). but point being, i want to share my life, my experiences, my heart and soul, with someone.

2. i want to enjoy an active life. i don't necessarily mean "active" as in running or jumping, but those things are cool too! i want to be active in my friends and families lives, active in the way of a career, travel, experience, etc.

3. i want to be my own boss. i am pretty sure being able to support myself, as my own boss, would be my definition of success. where, how, doing what, with who.... that is to be determined. sort of.

4. i want a home filled with love. where who how etc to be determined.

5. i want to be healthier. its something i have never taken much interest in. it is something i have said i want but don't really actively pursue, which then creates the questions of, do i really want this? saying and doing are not the same things. wanting and doing are not the same things. but, logically, i know, in order for the above 4 things to happen, i have to want this.... and i want to want this. so how do i actually do this?!? (please note - this is not where i seek diet or exercise advice. the issue is more a matter of getting the horse to just drink the water. its staring at the trough).

and that's about it. big picture down. next 5 mins? next week? next year? hah! not a clue!

but for now, i guess the next 5 seconds, i will simply pat myself on the back for finally blogging, and push publish, and be happy with just that!

when parents text...

if you haven't checked out when parents text - you must. i honestly think its better than damnyouautocorrect!

get it before its gone

the other day i was out running errands and remembered passing a graffiti wall i wanted to get some pictures of. i parked and got out of my car excited to really check out the detail close up, only to find it had been painted over by ugly brown paint. whhhhhhhy?!

 in the last few weeks i have taken several pictures of things that are now gone. i didn't know they would be gone, but they are. enough things that i even questioned if my taking pictures and posting about these things some how caused attention to make them go away. but i know that was a really ridiculous thought.

xmas lights up in feb. taken down days after i took and posted

your downtown. sign gone.

grass cut. next day. 

no dog or bowl, the very next day! 

little letter love

in my free time - when i should be job hunting or blogging or otherwise moderately productive.... i am out walking, taking pictures, and obsessively editing and cropping. at least the walking is good.

lowercase letters. loves!

made by k

sticK it to me

only one....

in memory....

just heard of elizabeth taylor's passing. i am not even sure if i ever saw one of her movies but i've always liked her just the same. she reminded me of a real life erica kane. she seemed as "hollywood and glamourous" as they came. and her efforts in the fight against aids was very admirable. i think this quote from her is just perfect, and a good reminder of what i should be doing ;)


"I feel very adventurous. there are so many doors to be opened, and i'm not afraid to look behind them". - elizabeth taylor

Elizabeth Taylor, 1932-2011

WORD!

1. i have internet again!! which now means i am liable for posting on a nearly daily basis again.... (and even better i can stalk my favorite blogs and catch up what's been going on!)

2. for amazing friends who remember when you say you want something and get it for you for your birthday months later! so so so excited to fill this in.  

 and really, it was meant to be. this is the cover page. brilliant.

ack! oh my!

a whole month has gone by?

i haven't had internet, although, i am researching different apps i can blog from my phone. really just to keep my goals to myself, not because i think my 4 followers are grieving.....but then again i won't likely ever have more than 4 if i don;t have internet connection and posts. those 2 things are kind of crucial for blogging. i think.....

however, the lack of internet, and therefor connection to the world (i also do not have tv, which i kind of like surprisingly), along with a 2 month couch tour before a major downsize in living space, has really been a learning experience for me. i "need" a lot less than i used to think. not that i don't still want certain things! but i really do miss browsing my blogs - so much has happened in the past month for me to catch up on!

speaking of - i signed up for bloglovin (?) and we will see how i like it. but in the meantime, check it out if you  haven't and want! in short, its like facebook for blogs. i think. but an easier (tbd....) way to track what you wanna read of other blogs :)

Follow my blog with bloglovin

and a few random pictures from my month of silence while i toured my new town!

simplicity

waiting....

bloom

splat!

bucket list! amazing fresh pesto penne with poppyseed and carmelized onion glazed salmon. yum.

old town delights.

life is art. or. art is life. 

love bridges. love camera apps.

i bow down to this mac n cheese

and this "chocolate bombe"

my downtown? or yours?

love

luck

<3 smiles

beauty in the little things

did i mention my love of bridges?!

motto....

have i mentioned my new motto? i stole it from an episode of oprah. not sure if i should admit that or not!

"less space. less stuff. more life!". that's my motto. well, one of many really. but, a good all encompassing one i think. 

and tomorrow, i finally get all my "stuff" and can begin setting up my "space" - which is a LOT less than before (thankfully so is the stuff pile...) and really begin this new, life. 

i want more more more - life. this song made me happy even while i was out running errands like paying my super late car registration. oops. 

Young the Giant, "My Body"

Stop, the train is ridin down to the station
where you lived when we were school kids
Hey, the rails are caught now
And I am falling down fools in a spiral
Round this town of steam

My Body tells me no, but I won't quit
Cause I want more, cause I want more
My Body tells me no, but I won't quit
Cause I want more, cause I want more

Stop the train is riding down to the station where I lived
When I was a cool kid
Hey, is it my fault that the fallen embers burn down in a spiral
Round your crown of thieves

My Body tells me no, but I won't quit
cause I want more, cause I want more
My Body tells me no, but I won't quit
cause I want more, cause I want more
And it rides out of town 
Oh, it's my road, it's my road, it's my road
It's my road, it's my road, iIt's my road

And it's my war, It's my war, it's my war
It's my war
His eyes are open
His eyes are open

Oh, cause I want more, I want more
Want more
His eyes are open
His eyes are open

(Hey, hey, hey)

My body tells me no but I won't quit
Cause I want more, cause I want more
My body tells me no but I wont quit
Cause I want more cause I want more
It rides out of town

must.have.these.NOW!

ny times crossword puzzle dinnerware

and about 400 other things on this site!

perfect by design.....

“Remind yourself. Nobody built like you, you design yourself” – Jay Z


jay z = genius. in so many ways.

what they said....

given to one of my best friends. and she is, it's true.

at the steps to one of the many places i stayed on my "couch tour" . 

found in a little town. i have other words for it... and i am called a bitch! ;)

given by a friend. not the same as above. i really have amazing friends. fact.

ya, i wood. so would eddie.

an amazing friend took this for me. i want this. car and license plate.  or "IAMGREY"  (disclaimer: this has NOTHING to do with grey's anatomy. which i love. but not like that....)

i totally disagree with this actually, but most my friends would say this is amazing! ;)

on the road.....

i've been on the road a lot lately....i never used to like to drive but that has changed more recently. for a few reasons.....


for one, i am loving the scenery of my drives these days.its all new. everywhere i go, is somewhere i haven't been before. or least not driven past every single day....


there are trees!!!! an abundant amount of never ending tree lined streets. creating tunnels and shadows and peeks of gorgeous light. or stars. and not perfectly placed and patterned palm trees in a row. but all different kinds of trees. as the ex-roomie recently remarked "there are actually leaves here. before we just had leaf blowers!"  yep. i LOVE trees. 


and best of all, there is the brilliant "playlist". (martin - THIS is the worthiest reason for something more than a shuffle, btw.....). i thought having a 6 disc changer was amazing a few years back, and i could even make my own cds with 15 or so songs. for different moods. now i can have infinite playlists for each and every mood (or road companion) and drive for hours without ever having to change a cd, station, song..... 


music is by far one of my biggest addictions and obsessions.  amazon and itunes are frequently visited....if you spend a little time you would be amazed at how much good free music is out there. legally even! i happily drank apple's koolaid and own a shuffle, U2 collector edition ipod, iphone and itouch, and i really want a freaking ipad. don't ask why. i drank the koolaid. and you should too. (at least a little!)  these things have only made this addiction/obsession worse with instant gratification - i shazam all day long, i can look up lyrics immediately, create personalized NO talk/commercial radio stations on pandora, send songs  as post cards to friends....the options are endless. and i LOVE it.


lately, my %$^($& drive mixx has been on regular play. these are a few of the artists that seem to fill the space the most, in no specific order:


joshua radin
missy higgins
fink
elliott smith
lissie
jack savoretti
matt costa
snow patrol
damien rice
carolina liar
ray lamontagne
rachel yamagata


and a new find from the ending of this week's californiacation, when hank is driving off.....

If I Go, I'm Goin, Gregory Alan Isakov

this house
she’s holding secrets
i got my change behind the bed
in a coffee can,
i throw my nickels in
just incase i have to leave
and i will go if you ask me to
i will stay if you dare
and if i go i’m goin shameless
i’ll let my hunger take me there
this house
she’s quite the talker
she creeks and moans
she keeps me up
and the photographs
know i’m a liar
they just laugh as i burn her down
and i will go if you ask me to
i will stay if you dare
and if i go i’m goin on fire
let my anger take me there
the shingles man they’re shaking
the back door’s burning through
this house she’s quite the keeper
quite the keeper of you
i will go if you ask me to
i will stay if you dare
and if i go, i’m goin crazy
i’ll let my darlin take me there